Big little beast- a trip that was not to be......

Mom- Where would you stay?
Me- ah Home. You have any better option?
Mom- Yes. Why don’t you go to Pune?
Me- really! Bali would be a better option only that am not flying down to either of these cities
Mom- You won’t fly down to Pune either which way. We aren’t here and without us you cannot stay here. Clear?
Me- nope
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Di- Why aren’t you coming to Pune? You must, you must come. We will have fun. Loads of it. All sisters under one roof can bring the city down and tear the curtains.
Me- are you sure that is gonna happen?
Di- of course girl. Jaldi aaa kudiye [come fast girl]

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Nosy Aunt- Heena, why are you such a wreck. Why don’t you get your dirty ass to Pune while your parents are not here?
[Alright, she did not say dirty ass but whatever she did say sounded still the same]
Me- But
N.A-You quit your job when you shouldn’t have, you studied whatever you wanted to [so not true], and you do things as per your wishes. Now when you are a parasite to your family, why don’t you just help them in this little way??? Get over to Pune!!!!


Parasite!!!!!! Ouch. How true. 21 years past my existence, I still live off someone. I still depend on my dainty mom for the next meal of the day and, worse, I depend on them to pay off my internet expenses as well. The days I promised myself that one day past 18th birthday, I should leave the hook immediately look hazy from this cumbersome distance.
“Girl you are hurt”, said my ‘antar aatma’ [soul]

“Of course am not. Look kids of my age don’t do what I do. They never have!!!!!”

“Go shit someone else, not me for sure.”

“Ahhhh ridiculous. I have always worked my fucking ass off!! Kids of my age were partying when I was working in some obscure corner without the knowledge of my parents for that extra dollop of pocket money”

“Without the knowledge of your parents?”

“Well, I did not want them to get hurt that their little girl is working hard.”

“So is this what hurt you the most?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know twitch, what am I and you are talking about. All I can say is, do not bother. Do not bother at all’

“It’s easy to be someone’s soul and then talk as if nothing matters. It is easy for a soul not to be materialistic and not to get hurt when you are called parasite by a nosy aunt, when all she should have done was to mind her own business, at 21! It fucking hurts.”

“Expectations, you have them all spilled across. Why don’t you just go out and have fun while it lasts? Why can’t you go climb a mountain and then get naked?”

“Just to get molested? Woman, I have other better ways to feel miserable about myself. One of them is to go to; yeah you guessed it right, Pune! Go to Poo-fucking-ne just to blow my only chance of freedom? And you know a cool, sensible, intelligent and whatever feels good at this time adjective -person like me does not have to take this shit? Cuz, I, a big girl, quit my shitty, nerve wrecking, system choking job!!!!! How does it matter to my folks or their relatives that how atrocious and agonizing it must have been for me to continue in that kind of environment with those kind of people doing that sort of job! As long as you have money, you have the worth. Blow this out, lose respect”

Antar Arma, did i say thankfully, fell silent on hearing this big, enlarged and larger than life monologue. She smiled and asked me to take a deep breath and then continued saying:

“You know what girl, you need no respect from every quarter. Respect is precious only when it comes from the right corner. Your corner is different and trust me, you are not the only unemployed fart sitting over here. The important thing is that this is your choice. You have chosen it to be this way and have not been dictated otherwise”….

Ahh too much of philosophy, my ears cannot take anything more than that. Feeling like a hybrid form of Baba Ramdev now! Enough of bullshit melodrama. I have to start packing the goddammit bags right away. I ordered myself around. This is the way to go.

‘Am ready to go,
raring in least,
Am ready to explore,
Not as an excited little beast,
Am ready to plunge,
Am ready to shake,
Only if my booty moves as you please…..

Me bored, you bored, we all bored, Revolution!!!!!!!

Question: what is the similarity between Heena and Karishma Kapoor? [Hint: Eyebrows excluded]
We both promise to make our comebacks pretty soon but, never actually manage. Dude, the thing with blogging is you got to update it. You got to just keep scribbling the bit. And today, my friends, well over a month, I am back. Now let the world roll on.

Alright, in the past month, I have had days that were bad and then there were days which were extremely bad. Good? Well goodness is just a state of mind or may be a case of fake orgasm. I am unemployed as of now and my parents do not think it’s the ‘new cool thing to be called unemployed’.

In fact, even I would take the avatar of a badass mom if I saw my 21 year old fluttering her eyelashes and not doing any work. I would screw her fucking happiness and spit in the food. I will be a real badass mom. But ye all people, I am not really screwing the happy and precious years of my life, I am just trying to, sort of, contemplate deeply about moronic life.

Like for instance, how many of you would know that I have red hair instead of dark brown? How many of you? May be not all but at least someone would think that I do make sense. But actually, am bullshitting. What Indian, excluding Shakti Kapoor, has ever had red hair? Apply intelligence people and the world would make a hell lot more of sense. The same way, citing Shakti Kapoor as an example, my parents refuse to believe my mumble of words. They do not know what does the word ‘peace’ means and know that they have to answer gory questions of some waste relatives.

Some are genuinely concerned and others are well, doing what Katrina Kaif does best in her films, just fooling around. They are jobless and hence doing what the association of out of work people does best. First, to go ballistic at every Hindi soap opera running on national television and second to satiate their glands with sizzling and notorious gossip. Yeah, they all seek gossip and they all wish gossip.

They all thought am an obnoxious, little, snobbish brat. Now THE GIRL is finding it tough to make a mark in a city ridden with dirty water and fake identities. Yeah right, I am a loser for a while but listen to me the ultimate losers. Your cocks will not stand to the degree where my imagination goes. You guys are worthy of looking at yourself and then set, whatever you see, on fire. You guys suck, suck and suck bigggggg time.


Ahhhhhh am not your angry young kid from the block and no I do not have Rani Mukherjee, of Raja ki aayegi baraat fame, as an inspiration. I prefer Naomi Campbell for it. However, I still cannot afford a lot of things that she has. To begin with, an out of place height and a driver, cleaning men and women, butler and the list go on.

I will make it big one day. And I will rule the world. Even though what I just said might only apply to the world of TV but, I still hope to crack it one day.

Now go and yawn. I do not give a shit. I do not give a shit. I never did. But oh god, why do you hate me so much 

Circa 2006

Other people: Why don’t you blog? You write and think so well?

Me: Are you sure you are talking about me?

The other one: Of course I am.

Me: Ahhh well, I will one day. One day, I shall go to Mt. Everest and yeah one day I will also grow 6 feet and do the rest of the batwoman series!!!

The other one: Errrrr you should start with at least a blog.

Circa 2007

It was one of the year’s most humid month. Electricity supply had become as reliable as any coalition government of that time. It had become an answer to Malika Sherawat’s role in the movie ‘The myth’. But braving the electricity, humidity and the usual nagging boredom, fatigue and cute boys, a girl , like a valiant or menstrual challenged person viciously thought of starting a blog. She had her heart broken just then. So, she, like other hormonally charged teenagers, decided to vent her pure feelings out. She started to punch the keys of that magical keyboard and realized just then, that chocolate might do a better job. She blogged about something that today she is so embarrassed about. One can’t blame her; she was suffering, at that point of time, from an epidemic called Robin Sharma and likes of Deepak Chopra. You know, like one has to say, we all go through the bouts of spirituality when one needs to know the true meaning of our entity. The kind of entity which should mean more than gawking at one’s boob and wonder when will they grow big!? She went through those too and merely to conform the set of writer’s norm, decided to blog. For only three days but.

Circa 2008 & 2009

These are the years when she finally understood that her assets are good enough to take her anywhere in life. A thinking organ placed above the border of fragile neck is in the reference. And as opposed to the comic book series, she realized that life could seriously be boring if one hangs around with the wrong kind of people. So she decided to blog each year and then, just when the time was ripe to punch a letter, it struck her hard that there is reality television! What voyeuristic pimp could deny oneself an opportunity to salivate at someone’s expense? To catch the girls in between mudslinging with semi grown boys threatening each other to rip their respective sexual glands apart was too much for her to resist. So, reality television was it.

Circa 2010

Already in the 4^th month of this year, she finally decided to BLOG. The four letter word just sounded more abusive than the entire programming schedule of India TV. But this time, along with her job, she decided to kick the butt and get on to the job she really knows best.

So here is she. Trying to do what she thinks she is late by 4 years in doing!

I would keep the world transparent on this activity and I also promise to continue this endeavour till eternity or till at least one bus comes and knock me down to the floor.