Outside my window

Outside my window

I look outside the window. I love looking out. I notice the cars, the trees, the horizon, the people, their problems, their indifferent faces, their indifferent walks, their purses, their bags, their aspirations, all packed in one. I look at their kids, friends, families, goats, dogs, cows, trying to be all juxtaposed in one big pretentious road. Road, yeah they were all on road and I was sitting off the road in a balcony.


I look inside the hall and there is no one. No mom, no dad, no sister and no brother. I am alone and am very happy. Happy because I know this is how you are suppose to be. Think from my perspective and life will fall in place. Life Ha! I marvel how things have changed. How things have changed since my 6th year. I was different then, I was determined then. I wanted to change my life and I knew I had it in me. Now I know child hood is all about thinking shitty stuff that are never going to come true. Astraunaut, actress, writer, orator, dancer, and painter everything goes up in the air. A thin ugly air. You are here to lick someone’s ass and as much as you lick other’s they will lick back yours.



I switch on TV and know that few hours of my life will fly away. It will never be back. It will go away again in an air and all I would have done at the end of 24 hour time deadline will be to have watched television like a couch potato. I have watched a lot of TV. I know the good and the bad. I know how regressive Indian television is and how gaudy do women look. There are good women, bad women and then there is a breed of Indian television. Women with no purpose, no goals, no life, no hobbies, only a smash of thick mascara, big fat ass sindoor, gaudy or semi gaudy saris, infertile expressions and a will to please their husbands. Husbands of these women are sadder. How these people live detached from every one. How it doesn’t matter to them that whether India crashed out of WC T20 so early. I wonder, I marvel and then I look at myself with a dash of guilt. I could have watched ‘How I met your mother’ instead. But I chose to hook with these trashy serials. Why? Because I have no life? Could be. Is this my way to show the world what crassness can get to humans? Ahh nahhh. I look and watch them because like everything in life I lack option.



Look, I want to feel great about my life. I want to feel wonderful. I want to feel the feel. I look at other coolers lives and sulk for very many days to come. I look at these losers and feel like pushing myself harder. I feel glow of superiority complex and know that all is not lost. I tell myself that ‘look girl. They are losers, they are chutiyas. Look how much better your life is.’
And then I feel good about myself. I feel the glow of superiority. Again I look outside because I love looking outside.